12 Products From Hell

1. This is the most unappetizing food label ever printed.

The close-up is even more disturbing. From Kostelecké Uzeniny.

2. He 'brakes for cycles.' Behold Vinnie's Tampon Case

3. Mr. Brain's Pork Faggots

Sounds scrumptious.

4. Mini Joke Breasts?

Stick a breast on your nose, your fingers, wherever!

5. Pork Brains with Milk Gravy

Can we throw up now?

6. Super Big Boy Condoms

Yeah, we get the analogy; it's a little disturbing, but we get it.

7. 666 Cold Medicine

The cold medicine of the beast.

8. Pickle Juice Sport Drink

We're sure the pickle juice is beneficial, but how about a name that doesn't trigger the gag reflex, like 'Green Monster' or 'Sport Juice'?

9. "Get a Toned Face!" 

According to the manufacturer, "[b]ecause of gravity, facial lines and your mouth can become flaccid. This product helps to reduce facial lines and visible signs of aging around the mouth."

10. Spotted Dick Microwavable Sponge Pudding

Venereal disease in a can!

11. Rap Snacks Potato Chips

"Get Crunk!"

12. Fat Lips Party Joke from Tokyu Hands

Wrong on so many levels.

Comments

[kidsolo]

lol, I love it

[Ryan Stoker]

I have both the rap snacks and the pork brains in a box in my closet!

[Rehoboth Beach Realtor]

The Kostelecké Uzeniny can is utterly disgusting and the pork brains made me lose my appetite. That's what I get for reading "12 Products from Hell" before dinner.

[meh]

A million dollar prize to anyone who has the "Mr. Brains Pork Faggots"

[Jambies]

You can buy pork faggots in CoOp in the UK. Here's a review of them!

http://www.dooyoo.co.uk/food/mr-brains-2-faggots-in-rich-sauce/1013985/

[Scorps111]

The sell Mr Brains Pork Faggots at morrisons in England, i noticed them a few days ago and Lol'd

[Spotted Dick]

Spotted Dick is quite tasty. It was named that long before you got your unfortunate condition :)

[john]

I'd like to know what spotted dick is but I am afraid to google it...

[Si]

Spotted Dick is a traditional English pudding (dessert for you yanks). Entertaining name, yes, but less hellish than "fanny packs".

[The World's Smartest Man]

Spotted dick is great. Really.

[Douche McGee]

Touche John. Fanny packs, that was the biggest mistake ever.

[FPM]

I used to be a homeless rodeo clown but now I am a world class magician !

[FPM]

I used to be a homeless rodeo clown but now I am a world class magician !

[JW]

Missed was the Cock Flavoured Soup, check it out here: http://www.johnwise.com/index.cfm?mode=entry&entry=BLEN_06013015173268_4PC2E

[blackice]

The fake breasts is cool because they give you a a odd number. Uni-breast fun!

[Ben]

Spotted dick isn't that bad, although those faggots looked pretty unappetising...

Oh yeah, and that facial flex thing is even weirder in action (for those sceptics who think these are fake!).

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=81tCp2IjlxU

[Hugh E Torrance]

Kraft cheesy pasta formerly Kraft cheese dinner should be included in the above...on sale in Summerfields for the brave...

[Aaron]

Mr Brain's Portk Faggots are actually incredibly nice. They are a very popular dish in the UK amongst older people. All they are is ofal reconstituted into, well, balls. I have a few boxes of them in my freezer!

[csrster]

11 products from hell + spotted dick. Yum.

[SevereCircle]

Spotted Dick is just the best on a cold day served with warm vanilla custard.

(Its basically a steamed sponge pudding with raisens in it.)

If you get the chance try it!

[Pixy]

Funny - but also sad a bit... The logo of the "Kostelecke uzeniny" (Kostelec Sausages) is almost hundred years old - see http://www.kosteleckeuzeniny.cz - it's originated in a golden age of the gentlemanship and I'm pretty sure at those times nobody was disgusted with it at all. The only emotion sent by the picture used to be "Yum!". I'm affraid not the logo, but the people went wrong since 1917...

YES, of course it's funny and unappetizing, I meet this logo often. But, it's the heritage, too. And btw, these sausages are really yummy. ;)))

[ted]

Hey, I've used those super big boy condoms! They are black.

[andyk]

Faggots are actually really tasty.

My mum got us some when I was younger, but due to the packaging, I completely refused to eat them because I thought they were made of *actual* brains.

Anyway... she made me stay at the table until I had at least tasted one and it was nice - tastes really meaty!

I've been eating them ever since.

[woo]

Hey I have brains Faggots in my freezer they are the greatest, infact we are having faggots for tea tonight my kids love them! faggots peas roast spuds and carrots yummy.

[Josiah Pugh]

Haha.

[Jim]

The mini fake breasts caution label says "Don't expose under sunshine."? I'm having Happy Fun Ball flashbacks.

Do not taunt mini fake breasts.

[AnusJuice.com]

We should have a 12 URLs from hell.

[Tim]

The super big boy condoms are actually large Japanese condoms. They are about the size of 'regular' American condoms, and fall quite short (no pun intended) of US-brand 'large' condoms like Magnum.

I had these imported from Japan when some I knew traveled there. All three different boxes are 'large' but all are smaller than 'average' size condoms here.

-Tim

[Moonbeam McQueen]

Thank goodness they've labeled those fake breasts for ages five and up.

[WallyAnti]

Haha, I've eaten the ODB and Youngbloods RapSnacks chips. Found them neslted between Ghetto Juice and Jeff Foxworthy's Beef jerky at the Big Lots (not at all kidding) They are seriously disgusting. So much flavor powder it cakes on your fingers. I love how ODB's caption says "Think Responsibly" Ha if you did that you wouldn't eat this crap.

[murr]

Gotta love the fact the joke boobs are for ages 5 and up.

[jp]

I've actually seen rap snacks for sale in a skanky gas station in north county St. Louis. I thought they HAD to be a joke for sure. I guess not.

[KB]

Funny, but Good Work!!

[William Conrad Lawson]

When I visited France in 1962 I bought a bubbly bottle of soda named "Pssssht." Just like the sound it made when uncapped. I don't remember what it tasted like, but I brought the bottle home. Now, I can't find it.

[Richard]

Wow, that has got to be the sickest collection of products I have ever seen. GREAT WORK, albeit a bit disgusting, BUT STILL GREAT WORK!

[Sam Saylor]

All of the foods I've had before, and they all tasted pretty good. The world's just gotten itself into a certain condition, and here's our feelings on it:

"But I like it in the gutter. You meet all sorts o' interestin' folk down there."
Mudge, "Spellsinger"

Great novel by Alan Dean Foster, BTW.

[Oink D Hustle]

Yeah, it's the people who went wrong in 1917. Knob gobblin' is a new invention- so surely, no one could have intentionally drawn some guy slurpin' polska kielbasa like Richard Simmons in a mens' room back in the day of "gentlemen".

[mity]

BTW wise people from czfree.net found out how to create cheap anthena for wi-fi networking from the can of Kostelecké párky.

You can find some info here (in Czech language):
http://czfree.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=711

Regarding the taste of it, it's probably more reasonable purpose of the product ;-)

[Doc]

My crappy job makes me have to put those Faggots and Spotted Dick onto shelves for the masses, however I still giggle like a kid when someone says "Excuse me mate, where do you keep your Faggots?"

[Jonesey]

I've seen the Rap Snacks at Big Lots along with Jeff Foxworthy beef (and ham) jerky.. and yes, you guessed it, I'm in the south LOL

[Steph]

I LOVE my Vinnie's Tampon Case! I get so many comments on it, from men and women alike. :) Shoot, I'm a woman. I menstruate. Why sugar-coat it?

But Pickle Juice Sport? Really? *shudders*

[Kotan]

Being, I'll admit it, a gay (and the yes I am the only one in the village - which is a pun only those in the UK will understand, sorry). I have to say that both faggots and spotted dick are frequently found in my home - though the latter usually only as a dessert.
For anyone visiting the UK, home made (not Mr Brains) faggots are increasingly appearing on high class menus - so try some, and I promise you'll find a new food that you won't want to live without.

[headmaster]

SevereCircle, you're being seriously naive if you think people didn't make a connection to fellatio 100, or even 1,000 (should it have existed then) years ago from that sausage logo.

[Grizzly Geezer]

There was this fellow Jeffrey Dahmer who used to keep frozen faggots & likely some brains in his freezer as well. He never did say if they were exceptionally tasty or not ... but we will have to take his word on the matter as he really went out of his way to lay in a supply.

[Adam]

LOL Your kids are having faggots for tea. That sounds so wrong

[Loli]

I love the comment in the upper corner of the play breasts. "Ages 5+"

[Edgar]

"Faggots" are food in the UK, in wales mainly. They're quite tasty actually.
I'm English and when I'm using stumble some things you yanks find funny are just average to us.... and you don't get Irony either..... why are you the most powerful nation on earth again?

[ian]

All those people who say Spotted Dick is teh yum... they ain't lyin'.

[Leonard]

Hah. The pork brains canner won a silver medal in 1915 (and presumably nothing since then...good ol' turn of the century meat canning craftsmanship!)

[Diana]

Pickle juice should only be taken if necessary in case of emergency. Say someone is seriously dehydrated it works 10 times better than Gatorade or Pedialyte. It is a well known fact. No joke!!

[SayBlade]

I saw that spotted dick sold in a can at Bulk Barn. Apparently it has suet in it so it is not vegetarian!

[Shades]

Spotted dick. A suet sponge with raisins. These days it comes in a tin, or in a box, but as a lump either way. Back when it was 'invented', it was cooked in the same way as a sausage - stuffed into animal intestines, tied off and slung into the stew.

They called it spotted dick because it looked like one.

[orange]

All these British taking offense at their beloved spotted dick & faggots being made fun of need to grow a sense of humor.
If you can't take it yourself, then stop with your lame & unoriginal insults at "yanks".

[Git-tarzan]

Actually, mini-breasts are NOT a choking hazard....when they're the REAL thing!

[britt]

See, the pork brains are actually really good. It's actually sausage and eggs. We eat it in my family only we call it hogs brains. It's better freshly made, but I guess if in a can is the best some people can do...

[Becca]

My mom has always made "Lumpy Dick" for breakfast. It is one of my favorites. It's a creamy porridge with dumplings. Does anyone know the origins of the name. Is this a well known dish in the UK?

[Paul]

I'm afraid we've been eating faggots for ever in the UK. They are a tasty processed beef concoction with onion and herbs and have nothing to do with other uses for the word faggot (e.g. a bundle of twigs).

Similarly spotted dick is a wonderful steamed suet pudding - the spots are raisins. It's comfort food for British men over 40.

I agree about the Kostelecky though!

[SubBlurbs]

LOL at the pickle juice!
I actually saw some genuine pickle juice in a health food store once. Made me laugh then, makes me laugh now!

Great post, thanks!

Richard
www.subblurbs.com

[speaker]

I like that the 'fake breasts' come in a pack of 5. Mastectomy anyone?

[rprebel]

That last one? Only in Japan. I'm sure it comes from a vending machine.

[Istanbul Hotels]

Spotted dick isn't that bad, although those faggots looked pretty unappetising...
www.istanbulstay.com

[Jamster]

Brains faggots are the best. Especially when eaten with cheesy mash and peas. I always have a pack in the freezer.