TheMishMash.com

Giving a Whole, New Meaning to the Phrase 'Golden Shower'

Not just a whole, new meaning but a much more socially acceptable and far less nauseating connotation also.

(Photo by Jim Bowers).

(Photo by Paul D. Carey).

Like another favorite photo, these images were also taken at the Burning Man annual event. Wikipedia has more here.

10 Fascinatingly Atypical 'Curb Your Dog' Signs

1. The Rastafarians have a way with words.

(Photo by anthonyturducken).

2. Of course the Lutherans are more staid about matters.

(Photo by .ian).

Cleavage or Crack? Test Your T&A IQ.

Booty or boobs? Cleavage or coin slot? As you move your mouse over each clue, the answer will appear. (Tip: the answer/image has to load, so give it a second or two after you've moused-over. For those of you reading via an RSS feed, simply follow the link by clicking the clue.)

• Score 8 or more? You're a T&A connoisseur.
• 4 to 7? You're but a mere mortal.
• 3 or less? Are you human?

1.

2.

Just When You Thought It Was Safe to Send Her to College

(Photo by redteam).

(Note: The image was shot at one of the Burning Man annual events. Wikipedia has more here.)

10 Telltale Signs the Relationship Honeymoon is Over

Who doesn't love the relationship honeymoon: you're happy, sex is great…all is right with the world.

(Photo by Emiliano).

Unfortunately, though, it doesn't last. To that end, then, you know the relationship honeymoon is over when:

1. You’re on the crapper and realize she’s standing next to you brushing her teeth, and neither of you care.

A Rose by Any Other Name Would Smell as Sweet?

Shakespeare wrote: "What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet." Whether you agree depends on many factors. For example:

1. Meet Virginia ob-gyn Dr. Harry Beaver.

2. God help former Detroit Tiger Rusty Kuntz.

First Look: the Controversial 2008 Film TICKLE MY BALLS ELMO

2008’s most anticipated film is DreamWorks' Tickle My Balls Elmo, a crime/courtroom drama set in Sesame Street’s East Rockaway neighborhood.

(Photo by Cade).

Expected by many to be a breakout role for the popular Muppet, Tickle My Balls Elmo finds Elmo the victim of a brutal rape. Expect the gritty film to be difficult to watch: the scene of Elmo’s rape by grocer Mr. Hooper is rumored to be twenty minutes in length.

In theaters in early June 2008.

Segway Pulls URBAN KNIGHT Ad Campaign

Segway, Inc., manufacturer of the Segway line of self-balancing personal transportation devices, announced yesterday that it was pulling its URBAN KNIGHT ad campaign—less than twenty-fours after its launch.

(Photo by Denny Mack).

Majority shareholders immediately called for CEO Bryce Dickenhofer’s resignation. A spokesperson for the shareholder group told reporters, “Just what in God’s name was Dickenhofer thinking? How many knife-wielding, half-naked men have you seen using a Segway. It’s ridiculous. He should immediately step down."

"As I Was Walking Down the Street [Another] Day..."

1. Cabbage Patch Dolls for the juvenile delinquent.

(Photo by Abra Frankel).

2. Gives a whole, new meaning to the phrase One Stop Shopping.

(Photo by Kim Ripley).

11 Telltale Signs Your New Girlfriend May Be a Restraining Order Waiting to Happen

1. She looks into your eyes and says, "No one has ever made me feel quite the way you do." From across the ordering counter you respond, "Thanks. I'll have a venti machiatto, extra shot please."

(Photo by Kat Kirk).

2. While leaving the movie theater you hear someone shout, "150 yards Goddamnit! 150 yards!" To your surprise she screams back, "Inadvertent contact, Bill! Inadvertent!"

3. Before you’re even home from your first date, she's left four voice mails, sent two text messages and called your best friend to ask where you're at.

(Photo by Francisca Ulloa).

'[A Few Additional] Words of the Prophets Were Written on the Bathroom Stalls'

We had so much fun with the first set of bathroom wall humor that we thought we post a couple more, to wit:

1. No wiser words have ever been spoken.

(Photo by Jennifer Joyce).

2. In the same vein as, "Don't let the little head do the thinking for the big head."

(Photo by Sarah Glidden).

'And the Words of the Prophets Were Written on the Bathroom Stalls'

1. "Don't hate me because I am beautiful. Hate me because I did your Dad."

(Photo by Ed Hoover).

2. Tony Robbins channels Hervé Villechaize.

(Photo by Knightwise).

So Many Signs, So Little Time

1. Certainly covers all bases.

(Photo by loungelistener).

2. And a Happy New Year.

(Photo by David Mongeau-Petitpas).

Super Celeb-o-Matic 07!

Whad'ya get when you cross today's celebrity-obsessed culture with Dan Ackroyd's classic SNL shtick Super Bass-o-matic 76? SUPER CELEB-O-MATIC 07!

Of course, it's a stretch; we just needed an excuse to revisit the theme from our previous feature [Who] Do You Get When You Cross...? and liked the analogy. Let's begin.

1. Who do you get when you cross Drew Carey, Donal Logue and Chris Farley?

"Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

(Photo by Dogseat).

2. Gwen Stefani, Tim Curry and Beetlejuice?

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

(Photo by G_Lawler).

[Who] Do You Get When You Cross...?

It's hard to forget Seth Brundle's transformation in the movie The Fly. Cross a fly with a human and sim sim salabim Brundlefly. We've taken the idea a moronic step further, to wit:

1. Who do you get when you cross Seinfeld's Lt. Bookman, Bob Marley and Marilu Henner?

God help us.

(Photo by Omsel A).

2. Elton John, Amy Winehouse and Michael Kinsley?

It's showtime!

(Photo by Sea Turtle).

You've Probably Crossed the Mason-Dixon Line When...

1. Who says you need snow or water to ski!

(Photo by Katie Weilbacher).

2. Grandpa is armed and dangerous.

(Photo by Tread).

No Wonder Some Animals Eat Their Own Young

Raising kids, though difficult, is incredibly rewarding. Difficult how, you ask? Let us show you the ways.

1. Today must must have been Dad's day to babysit.

2. Let's hope he doesn't use the bathtub as a toilet.

"What a Difference a [State] Makes..."

Nice a$s in California:

Nice a$s in Mississippi:

Dorothy, You're Not in Kansas Anymore

"Auntie Em?"

"We represent the Lollipop Kids..."

12 Action Figures for the Deviate Who Has Everything

1. Parents, for the budding serial-killer in your brood, it's 'My Little Victims' and features 'realistic dismemberment action.'

2. In tribute to legendary tenor and 'Killer Queen,' it's the Freddie Mercury action figure. (Gay bathhouse sold separately.)

No Genetic Mutation Found in 520 Pound Infant, Chernobyl Radiation Exposure Link Still Suspected

Parents Hope For Normal Childhood, See Bright Future for Son as Cage Fighter

BUY 'EM: Tees

We love the occasional, funny t-shirt as much as anyone. From Threadless, here's our recent favorites:

1. Bald Eagle

2. If You Can Read This: Make Me a Sandwich

3. What Would MacGyver Do?

16 Headstones That Make You Go Hmmmm...

"Show me your cemeteries, and I will tell you what kind of people you have."  --Benjamin Franklin

1. Either Mr. Green was a real comedian or just an as$h*le.

2. The White family seemed truly grieved to lose their Raymond.

Bumper Stickers Only an Infantile Boob Could Love

Which explains our interest in them.

1. So disturbed, yet so...disturbed.

2. Much funnier than "Saudi Arabia Loves Your Gas Guzzler"

"WHERE you wish THE STREETS HAVE NO NAME..."

Either the 'City Fathers' where the following streets are located are imbeciles or they have a great sense of humor; possibly a little of both.

And, yes, ALL of the street names are real. Google Maps links are provided for each.

1. Butt Hole Road

2. TitMan Road

BUY 'EM: Roger That! Handmade Cards

These are our kind of cards. From the Roger That! website:

"Roger That! provides you with warped retro greeting cards for every possible (and not so possible) occasion!"

For example:

If Only All Women Were Such Patrons of the Arts

20th Century Graffiti and Vandalism for the Discriminating Rube: A Visual Retrospective

1. For a Limited Time Only!

2. "I wish my wife were this dirty." Don't we all.

Sunday's Dolt of the Day ("DOTD")

A special thanks to Easy Gif Animator, without which TheMishMash.com could not have created this very special Dolt animation.

What is the Dolt of the Day ("DOTD") segment all about? We at TheMishMash.com introduced the feature in September 2007. Each day--well, almost each day--our team of expert editors sort through flickr.com's vast database of images and find that one, special boob who merits the Dolt of the Day ("DOTD") moniker.

We of course welcome your DOTD suggestions.

To see our past winners, click here.

BUY IT: Greeting Cards for Those You Loathe

Urbane and artful cards with just the right amount of derision and disdain.

Each card measures 4.25"x5.5", come with an accompanying white envelope and are professionally packaged in plastic.

Sucks to Be You

I Admire Your Low Standards

You Had Me at 'Goodbye'

From CarolLeeDesigns at etsy.com. $3.00 each.

A Redneck Photomontage: The Glorious Absence of Sophistication

Confederate Flag? Check. Redneck bumper sticker? Check. Custom wooden truck bed? Check. Recent chalk handprints on ass and chest? Check.

Some of us can be very good spellers if we choose it.

10 Halloween Costumes That Are Just Sick and Wrong

Halloween approaches and 'tis the season for, well, see for yourself:

1. Pie Shorts

2. 'Child Mac Daddy Suit With Hat'

BUY IT: Ultimate Bean Bag Chair

The Sumo Omni: it's ginormous (about 5.5 x 4.5 feet) and made of ballistic nylon.

According to Sumo:

This super-sized pillow...is the ultimate solution for all your relaxing needs...It's a crash mat, lounge chair, loveseat or floor pillow to name a few, but the possibilities really do go on.

Sumo Beanbags are made from space age rip-proof nylon and come filled with top quality Sumo Beads. [The] Omni is 4.5' x 5.5' and it weighs only 18 lbs!

Buy one and consider yourself in good company: Sumo furnished the Athlete's Lounge at the 2006 X Games and Playboy's 2006 and 2007 Super Bowl parties.

We own two Omni's at themishmash.com and love 'em.

BUY EM: Truck Nuts

From truck-nuts.com and available in many colors, including:

Blue Balls

Flesh Nuts

Also available: Nuts of Steel and Shiny Brass Balls.

BUY 'EM: Retro Art Magnets

Pretty funny. From etsy.com, five in a set for $12/set.

A sampling of All About Men:

And Sex, Sex and More Sex:

BUY IT: Wake Up with a Naked Woman...Everyday!

From ezstyle.co.uk:

"Pictured on the inside of the mug is a tasteful picture of a naked woman so quite simply, the more you drink, the more you see! The combination of caffeine and nudity is sure to set anyone's day off to a great start!"

For the dames.

Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.

Buy It: Change Is Good. You Go First.

From etsy.com, a sign for the fearful 'change-agent'.