TheMishMash.com

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We're not sure who's dumber: the person who needs the hint or the dope who thinks such guidance is necessary.

 

7 Places You Hope You Never See a...Sphincter?

You hope you never see a sphincter...

1. Anywhere you'd eat.

That didn't deter, however, artist Atelier Van Lieshout from creating the the Bar Rectum, which "takes its shape from the human digestive system: starting with the tongue, continuing to the stomach, moving through the small and the large intestines and exiting through the anus...The anus itself is part of a large door that doubles as an emergency exit."

Yummy.

2. Anywhere you keep your lipstick.

The larger image is even more unsettling.

(Photograph taken by The Kozy Shack).

He's Got Eyes in the Back of His Head...Literally

Hard to tell whether this guy's coming or going.

(Photo courtesy of PJ Chmiel of pjchmiel.com.)

9 Telltale Signs You're Probably an Asshole

1. You wildly overstate your case.

2. You act as if the rules don't apply to you.

"Brother, [If I Make You Laugh] Can You Spare a Dime?”

Though homelessness is no laughing matter, consider comedian Chris Rock's spoken-word song No Sex (In the Champagne Room):

"If a homeless person has a funny sign,
He hasn't been homeless that long.
A real homeless person is too hungry to be funny."

To wit:

1. Cut the guy some slack, you know what he means.

2. This guy's brave, that's all we can say.

A Low-Cost, Effective Response to a Hateful Ignoramus

The simple solution is oftentimes the most effective.

No Wonder Some Animals Eat Their Own Young

Raising kids, though difficult, is incredibly rewarding. Difficult how, you ask? Let us show you the ways.

1. Today must must have been Dad's day to babysit.

2. Let's hope he doesn't use the bathtub as a toilet.

Flunked (cont'd)

DONT EVING THANK OFF what?

"What a Difference a [State] Makes..."

Nice a$s in California:

Nice a$s in Mississippi:

Mix 'n Match

What do you get when you cross Barbara Eden, RuPaul and Patrick Stewart?

An effing mess, that's what.

Hillbilly Roach Coach

The mounted antlers and SQURIL and RABIT menu items really seal the deal. For a closer view, click here.

[Please Don't] Send in the Clowns: 11 Clowns You Hope Never Work Your Child's Birthday Party

1. "This is my part-time gig, just until the Dead get back together. By the way, any of you kids got a J?"

2. "Hi. I'm Giggles, and I'm an alcoholic."

"You'll Shoot Your Eye Out."

God, please, shoot both of my eyes out.

Dorothy, You're Not in Kansas Anymore

"Auntie Em?"

"We represent the Lollipop Kids..."

Absolute Worst Product Package...Ever

(Photo by Kate Raynes-Goldie).

Our advice? Whether it's a flower or not, avoid reference to the feline anus.

"Mamas, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be A$*h0les"

Waylon Jennings urged Moms not to let their babies grow up to be cowboys; we're more concerned though with those who grow up to be a$*h0les. This, then, is our ode to those who need to lighten up.

1. Your ass is like a so tight, you fart and only the dogs can hear it.

2. Someone should bloody his bottom.

Flunked (cont'd)

Next to Batcave.

12 Action Figures for the Deviate Who Has Everything

1. Parents, for the budding serial-killer in your brood, it's 'My Little Victims' and features 'realistic dismemberment action.'

2. In tribute to legendary tenor and 'Killer Queen,' it's the Freddie Mercury action figure. (Gay bathhouse sold separately.)

Explain THIS Tattoo to Your Girlfriend

I'm at a loss for words:

(Note: Clicking the picture will take you to a larger-sized image that, not unexpectedly, is even more, how you say ... disturbing.)

West Appalachian Man Decries Dearth of WiFi Hotspots for ‘Crapper’

“What with all the time most folk spend in the commode, you’d think the wireless industry would see all the missed opportunities. Morons!”