TheMishMash.com

10 Telltale Signs the Relationship Honeymoon is Over

Who doesn't love the relationship honeymoon: you're happy, sex is great…all is right with the world.

(Photo by Emiliano).

Unfortunately, though, it doesn't last. To that end, then, you know the relationship honeymoon is over when:

1. You’re on the crapper and realize she’s standing next to you brushing her teeth, and neither of you care.

Maybe at This Dosage It's Effective

(Photo by KitschKat).

Though it depends who you ask.

11 Neighbors from Hell

Thank god for zoning laws, covenants and deed restrictions.

1. So that's where the bodies are buried.

(Photo by DistortedSmile).

The full-size image is even scarier.

2. Is it a pool or a baptistry?

(Photo by Digital_Freak).

DNA Testing Proves Karl Rove a Descendant of Satan

The Center for Ancestral Transparency today released the results of two DNA studies commissioned in mid-2007 regarding the ancestry of Karl Rove, former chief political advisor to President Bush. In a statement posted on its website the Center's lead researcher, Joe Lange, stated: "We can now confirm what many of us have long suspected: Karl Rove is in fact a descendant of Satan.”

Conservative critics of the Center questioned the timing of the release given the recent 60 Minutes report that Rove asked a Republican operative in 2001 to obtain pictures of former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman, a Democrat, in a compromising, sexual position with an aide.

Lange in response stated that the timing of the report’s release was coincidental:

“I really don’t understand why conservatives are upset. If anything, the report explains so much. Frankly, I hate Rove a lot less now; he’s just a prisoner of his genes. He didn’t ask to be Satan’s spawn.”

Coming Soon to a Child's Nightmare Near You

(Photo by Mike Osswald).

Parents, here's a suggestion: stick with Chuck E. Cheese.

A Rose by Any Other Name Would Smell as Sweet?

Shakespeare wrote: "What's in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet." Whether you agree depends on many factors. For example:

1. Meet Virginia ob-gyn Dr. Harry Beaver.

2. God help former Detroit Tiger Rusty Kuntz.

Unquestionably the Oddest, Most Objectionable Band Name Ever

Which of course goes nicely with the rest of what we regularly serve at TheMishMash.com.

(Photo by Bill Hector Weye).

You can learn more about My Baby Wants to Eat Your Pussy here and here.

8 Gag Gifts Sure to Enrage Even the Most Sedate Homophobe

1. Vinnie the Stallion Plush Toy. He's "Vinnie the Stallion [and he's] got a big ole salami..."

2. Wireless Mega-Power Vibrating C0ck Ring

First Look: the Controversial 2008 Film TICKLE MY BALLS ELMO

2008’s most anticipated film is DreamWorks' Tickle My Balls Elmo, a crime/courtroom drama set in Sesame Street’s East Rockaway neighborhood.

(Photo by Cade).

Expected by many to be a breakout role for the popular Muppet, Tickle My Balls Elmo finds Elmo the victim of a brutal rape. Expect the gritty film to be difficult to watch: the scene of Elmo’s rape by grocer Mr. Hooper is rumored to be twenty minutes in length.

In theaters in early June 2008.

Religious Zealots Say the Darndest Things

They say...

1. That Hell is just beneath you, less than twenty miles away.

(Photo by Martin Sharman).

According to Pastor James Melton "the sphere of Hell is a round, hollowed-out place in the Earth's core...Scientists say that the Earth's outer crust is less than twenty miles thick, and that beyond that point, there [is] ... a lake of fire. [At] this very moment your eternal soul may be less than twenty miles from the burning fires of Hell!"

Pastor Melton's not alone. According to Dial-the-Truth Ministries, hell is unquestionably inside of the Earth. "The great pit [of] hell would only need to be about 100 miles or less in diameter to contain, with much room to spare, all the forty billion or so people who have ever lived, assuming their spiritual bodies are the same size as their physical bodies."

2. That the earth is stationary; the universe in fact orbits the Earth.

(Photo by NASA).

According to the Fair Education Foundation, the universe, "the stars, every 23 hours and 56 minutes...go around a stationary Earth."

The Association for Biblical Astronomy believes similarly.

15 T-Shirts You'd Hate to See on Your Daughter's Boyfriend

1. "I like long walks on the beach...after anal."

Available for purchase here.

2. "The Impregnator"

Available for purchase here.

Segway Pulls URBAN KNIGHT Ad Campaign

Segway, Inc., manufacturer of the Segway line of self-balancing personal transportation devices, announced yesterday that it was pulling its URBAN KNIGHT ad campaign—less than twenty-fours after its launch.

(Photo by Denny Mack).

Majority shareholders immediately called for CEO Bryce Dickenhofer’s resignation. A spokesperson for the shareholder group told reporters, “Just what in God’s name was Dickenhofer thinking? How many knife-wielding, half-naked men have you seen using a Segway. It’s ridiculous. He should immediately step down."