TheMishMash.com

At Last a Convenience Store with a Renewable Source of Gas

(Photo by Karen).

The Fart Market was/is located in Krakow, Poland.

Eliot Spitzer: "If only."

(Photo by misterbisson).

Reading Between the Lines: Bumper Sticker Edition

1. It says:

(Available here).

It means: I Fuck on the First Date.

2. It says:

(Available here).

It means: Bull Dyke Aboard

Maybe at This Dosage It's Effective

(Photo by KitschKat).

Though it depends who you ask.

DNA Testing Proves Karl Rove a Descendant of Satan

The Center for Ancestral Transparency today released the results of two DNA studies commissioned in mid-2007 regarding the ancestry of Karl Rove, former chief political advisor to President Bush. In a statement posted on its website the Center's lead researcher, Joe Lange, stated: "We can now confirm what many of us have long suspected: Karl Rove is in fact a descendant of Satan.”

Conservative critics of the Center questioned the timing of the release given the recent 60 Minutes report that Rove asked a Republican operative in 2001 to obtain pictures of former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman, a Democrat, in a compromising, sexual position with an aide.

Lange in response stated that the timing of the report’s release was coincidental:

“I really don’t understand why conservatives are upset. If anything, the report explains so much. Frankly, I hate Rove a lot less now; he’s just a prisoner of his genes. He didn’t ask to be Satan’s spawn.”

One Way to Say It

Whether you love President Bush, hate him, or are somewhere in between, you have to appreciate the, shall we say, effectiveness of this particular placard.

(Photo by Fred Melmoth).

You're an Intolerant Tool If...

1. You really think it's that simple.

(Photo by Abbyladybug).

2. You hawk pre-Civil War era garbage.

(Photo by Jacob Krejci).

(Photo by Kaleidoscope).

The Darkie items are not museum pieces; they were actually marketed by the Colgate-Palmolive Company as recently as 1988.

Single, Most Compelling Reason NOT to Vote for Mike Huckabee

Yeah, it's over the top (below), but Huckabee's recent comments raised my pucker factor to near record levels.

P.S. Yes, it's fake; it's a P.A.R.O.D.Y.

"Brother, [If I Make You Laugh] Can You Spare a Dime?”

Though homelessness is no laughing matter, consider comedian Chris Rock's spoken-word song No Sex (In the Champagne Room):

"If a homeless person has a funny sign,
He hasn't been homeless that long.
A real homeless person is too hungry to be funny."

To wit:

1. Cut the guy some slack, you know what he means.

2. This guy's brave, that's all we can say.

A Low-Cost, Effective Response to a Hateful Ignoramus

The simple solution is oftentimes the most effective.

9 'Signs' You Need a Shrink

1. There's what in the where?!

2. "I'm going off the rails on a crazy train..."

Evaluate the 2008 Presidential Candidates: 7 Easy-to-Use Web Tools

We at TheMishMash.com do care about matters other than buying fun stuff, the aberrant and the cheap laugh. We've gotta live and work in these United States too. And, yeah, we DO vote.

(Gratuitous 'Dolt of the Day' reference: "You're a dolt if you don't vote.")

To that end, to help you identify the 2008 presidential candidate most sharing your views, we've gathered seven of the best, and easiest-to-use, web tools for the job.

You'll be better informed.

1. At Politicalbase.com a voter can "build a customized grid of politicians of [his/her] choosing and match them up on specific issues [and can,] alternatively, jump to a specific issue to see more detailed information and stances from various politicians." The site also has a Who Should I Vote For For President in 2008 quiz. Helpful.

2. Not unexpectedly, the New York Times has created a concise Election Guide 2008 with the candidates' positions on the issues of abortion, health care, immigration, Iraq and climate change. There's also information regarding candidate finances . Good, substantive material.

Shallow Man's Guide to the 2008 Republican Presidential Candidates

Presenting TheMishMash.com's SHALLOW MAN'S GUIDE TO THE 2008 PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES!

We begin with the Republicans; next week it's the Democrats.

1. Fred Thompson

Thompson's a former actor with a smoking-hot wife. Loved him in Die Hard 2. Played a lot of governmental-ish roles so obviously has the experience to be president. May have been a lawyer or a senator once? Fancies himself just a good 'ole boy from Tennessee but was 'caught with his pants down' when seen at the Iowa State Fair in Gucci loafers.

2. John McCain

A real pistol. Was a POW in Vietnam. Held at the Hanoi Hilton for several years. Tortured and beat. Regularly referred to his captors as gooks--can you really blame him?--but took quite a bit of heat for it. Has an adopted daughter from Bangladesh so is racially very cool. Tough as nails, no-bullshit kind of guy, who may not know though when to stop talking.

"As I Was Walking Down the Street One Day..."

Don't they make support hose for that?

Is that Wilford Brimley?

20th Century Graffiti and Vandalism for the Discriminating Rube: A Visual Retrospective

1. For a Limited Time Only!

2. "I wish my wife were this dirty." Don't we all.

Bonus Dolt of the Day: the Bush Administration

Hey, we try to be as apolitical as possible here at TheMishMash.com, but, really, how asinine.

Apparently someone from within the Bush Administration leaked to reporters--before al-Qaeda itself intended to officially release it--bin Laden's September 2007 video. According to the Washington Post, the "premature disclosure tipped al-Qaeda to a security breach and destroyed a years-long surveillance operation...used to intercept and pass along secret messages, videos and advance warnings of suicide bombings from the terrorist group's communications network."

Me Tarzan, you Jane. No, wait, you Tarzan, me...

Meet professional bodybuilder Dayana Cadeau, who placed 2nd in this year's Ms. Olympia in Las Vegas. We're sure she's an incredibly hard-working and motivated young lady and of course don't know whether she uses performance-enhancing drugs, but...

Steroids do not do a body good.

"Go to Church or the Devil Will Get You!"

Devout yet so psychotic:

Since When Is Sodomy Merely Hazing?

According to the Deseret Morning News:

"Three [high school] football players have been arrested and charged in juvenile court after police say they forcibly held down other players and committed sex acts on them. The players eventually were kicked off the team.

The three defendants, all 15, each face multiple charges in 3rd District Juvenile Court, including forcible sodomy, attempted forcible sodomy and forcible sexual abuse, all first-degree felonies."

Here's the kicker:

"The incidents were being called hazing by some."

Huh? Maybe you could get away with calling it hazing at Rikers Island, but on a high school football team?

OJ's Newest Closing Argument: "If you plunder my riches, I might have to kill some white bitches."

OJ's in trouble again and Maxim.com has brainstormed a series of new, memorable 'if the glove doesn't fit you must acquit' rhymes for closing argument.

Our favorites:

"If you plunder my riches, I might have to kill some white bitches."

"If I'm forced to pay millions for another attorney, someone's leaving here on a gurney."

You can find all of them here.