TheMishMash.com

Ubiquitous [-adj. being everywhere] Jesus

There's no escape.

1. For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten ... high back armchair.

(Photo by AslanSRB).

2. "Because no matter what you do in life, [Jesus] takes Visa."

(Photo by lobsterstuffedwithtacos).

At Last a Convenience Store with a Renewable Source of Gas

(Photo by Karen).

The Fart Market was/is located in Krakow, Poland.

With a Name Like That, It Damn Well Better Be Good

According to Entrepreneur.com, "[n]aming a business is a lot like laying the cornerstone of a building. Once it's in place, the entire foundation and structure is aligned to that original stone." 

For example, Smucker's, famous for its jams and jellies, skillfully capitalized on its unusual name with the slogan, "With a name like Smucker's, it has to be good."

The jury's out, though, on the following establishments:

1. Yeah, it's a liquor store; we get it.  The modern day connotation is difficult, at least for our juvenile minds, to get past, however.

(Photo by bartendermagic.com).

2. Bubba, you're not running a bait shop. You have a last name. Use it.

(Photo by Alex Cockroach).

I is Stewpid

stu·pid  [stoo-pid, styoo-] –adjective
1.    lacking ordinary quickness and keenness of mind; dull.
2.    characterized by or proceeding from mental dullness; foolish; senseless: a stupid question.

Stupidity is of course right up our alley; and, as they say, "It takes one to know one." Hence:

1. Anna, here's a tip: go back and finish the 6th grade.

(Photo by py0tr3).

2. Why?

(Photo by aperrypic).

Eliot Spitzer: "If only."

(Photo by misterbisson).

Reading Between the Lines: Bumper Sticker Edition

1. It says:

(Available here).

It means: I Fuck on the First Date.

2. It says:

(Available here).

It means: Bull Dyke Aboard

Hallowed Be Thy Name?

Depends who you ask. For example:

1. Is there anything he CAN'T do?

(Photo by Clyde Robinson).

2. Considering the whole 'risen from the dead' thing, it would certainly follow.

(Photo by Jacob Davies).

DNA Testing Proves Karl Rove a Descendant of Satan

The Center for Ancestral Transparency today released the results of two DNA studies commissioned in mid-2007 regarding the ancestry of Karl Rove, former chief political advisor to President Bush. In a statement posted on its website the Center's lead researcher, Joe Lange, stated: "We can now confirm what many of us have long suspected: Karl Rove is in fact a descendant of Satan.”

Conservative critics of the Center questioned the timing of the release given the recent 60 Minutes report that Rove asked a Republican operative in 2001 to obtain pictures of former Alabama Governor Don Siegelman, a Democrat, in a compromising, sexual position with an aide.

Lange in response stated that the timing of the report’s release was coincidental:

“I really don’t understand why conservatives are upset. If anything, the report explains so much. Frankly, I hate Rove a lot less now; he’s just a prisoner of his genes. He didn’t ask to be Satan’s spawn.”

8 Gag Gifts Sure to Enrage Even the Most Sedate Homophobe

1. Vinnie the Stallion Plush Toy. He's "Vinnie the Stallion [and he's] got a big ole salami..."

2. Wireless Mega-Power Vibrating C0ck Ring

First Look: the Controversial 2008 Film TICKLE MY BALLS ELMO

2008’s most anticipated film is DreamWorks' Tickle My Balls Elmo, a crime/courtroom drama set in Sesame Street’s East Rockaway neighborhood.

(Photo by Cade).

Expected by many to be a breakout role for the popular Muppet, Tickle My Balls Elmo finds Elmo the victim of a brutal rape. Expect the gritty film to be difficult to watch: the scene of Elmo’s rape by grocer Mr. Hooper is rumored to be twenty minutes in length.

In theaters in early June 2008.

Segway Pulls URBAN KNIGHT Ad Campaign

Segway, Inc., manufacturer of the Segway line of self-balancing personal transportation devices, announced yesterday that it was pulling its URBAN KNIGHT ad campaign—less than twenty-fours after its launch.

(Photo by Denny Mack).

Majority shareholders immediately called for CEO Bryce Dickenhofer’s resignation. A spokesperson for the shareholder group told reporters, “Just what in God’s name was Dickenhofer thinking? How many knife-wielding, half-naked men have you seen using a Segway. It’s ridiculous. He should immediately step down."

11 Telltale Signs Your New Girlfriend May Be a Restraining Order Waiting to Happen

1. She looks into your eyes and says, "No one has ever made me feel quite the way you do." From across the ordering counter you respond, "Thanks. I'll have a venti machiatto, extra shot please."

(Photo by Kat Kirk).

2. While leaving the movie theater you hear someone shout, "150 yards Goddamnit! 150 yards!" To your surprise she screams back, "Inadvertent contact, Bill! Inadvertent!"

3. Before you’re even home from your first date, she's left four voice mails, sent two text messages and called your best friend to ask where you're at.

(Photo by Francisca Ulloa).

OVERKILL [oh-ver-kil] a Pictorial Definition

Dictionary.com defines overkill as "an excess of what is required or suitable, as because of zeal or misjudgment." We prefer a more visual definition, though.

To that end, overkill is...

1. Threatening to kill anyone who hits a dog YOU let run into the street.

(Photo by Sammo371).

2. Having eight doorbells when it appears no one's visiting anyway.

(Photo by dM.nyc).

You've Probably Crossed the Mason-Dixon Line When...

1. Who says you need snow or water to ski!

(Photo by Katie Weilbacher).

2. Grandpa is armed and dangerous.

(Photo by Tread).

"What a Difference a [State] Makes..."

Nice a$s in California:

Nice a$s in Mississippi:

Dorothy, You're Not in Kansas Anymore

"Auntie Em?"

"We represent the Lollipop Kids..."

West Appalachian Man Decries Dearth of WiFi Hotspots for ‘Crapper’

“What with all the time most folk spend in the commode, you’d think the wireless industry would see all the missed opportunities. Morons!”

No Genetic Mutation Found in 520 Pound Infant, Chernobyl Radiation Exposure Link Still Suspected

Parents Hope For Normal Childhood, See Bright Future for Son as Cage Fighter