TheMishMash.com

Unquestionably the Oddest, Most Objectionable Band Name Ever

Which of course goes nicely with the rest of what we regularly serve at TheMishMash.com.

(Photo by Bill Hector Weye).

You can learn more about My Baby Wants to Eat Your Pussy here and here.

8 Gag Gifts Sure to Enrage Even the Most Sedate Homophobe

1. Vinnie the Stallion Plush Toy. He's "Vinnie the Stallion [and he's] got a big ole salami..."

2. Wireless Mega-Power Vibrating C0ck Ring

First Look: the Controversial 2008 Film TICKLE MY BALLS ELMO

2008’s most anticipated film is DreamWorks' Tickle My Balls Elmo, a crime/courtroom drama set in Sesame Street’s East Rockaway neighborhood.

(Photo by Cade).

Expected by many to be a breakout role for the popular Muppet, Tickle My Balls Elmo finds Elmo the victim of a brutal rape. Expect the gritty film to be difficult to watch: the scene of Elmo’s rape by grocer Mr. Hooper is rumored to be twenty minutes in length.

In theaters in early June 2008.

Religious Zealots Say the Darndest Things

They say...

1. That Hell is just beneath you, less than twenty miles away.

(Photo by Martin Sharman).

According to Pastor James Melton "the sphere of Hell is a round, hollowed-out place in the Earth's core...Scientists say that the Earth's outer crust is less than twenty miles thick, and that beyond that point, there [is] ... a lake of fire. [At] this very moment your eternal soul may be less than twenty miles from the burning fires of Hell!"

Pastor Melton's not alone. According to Dial-the-Truth Ministries, hell is unquestionably inside of the Earth. "The great pit [of] hell would only need to be about 100 miles or less in diameter to contain, with much room to spare, all the forty billion or so people who have ever lived, assuming their spiritual bodies are the same size as their physical bodies."

2. That the earth is stationary; the universe in fact orbits the Earth.

(Photo by NASA).

According to the Fair Education Foundation, the universe, "the stars, every 23 hours and 56 minutes...go around a stationary Earth."

The Association for Biblical Astronomy believes similarly.

15 T-Shirts You'd Hate to See on Your Daughter's Boyfriend

1. "I like long walks on the beach...after anal."

Available for purchase here.

2. "The Impregnator"

Available for purchase here.

Segway Pulls URBAN KNIGHT Ad Campaign

Segway, Inc., manufacturer of the Segway line of self-balancing personal transportation devices, announced yesterday that it was pulling its URBAN KNIGHT ad campaign—less than twenty-fours after its launch.

(Photo by Denny Mack).

Majority shareholders immediately called for CEO Bryce Dickenhofer’s resignation. A spokesperson for the shareholder group told reporters, “Just what in God’s name was Dickenhofer thinking? How many knife-wielding, half-naked men have you seen using a Segway. It’s ridiculous. He should immediately step down."

Quintessential Renaissance Man?

Leonardo da Vinci he is not.

(Photo by Furyk).

If You Only Had a Brain...

1. You'd have left the work truck at home.

(Photo by Sara B. Jones).

2. You wouldn't have quit your day job.

(Photo by Ikes).

For the Budding Deer Hunter

According to product manufacturer Gemmy Industries, "this motion-activated deer lifts his head and sings 'Low Rider' and 'Sweet Home Alabama'! Watch the hunters BOBBLE their heads to the beat as the car BOUNCES and headlights FLASH!!"

(Photo by TheeErin).

Of course it's available at Walmart.

One Way to Say It

Whether you love President Bush, hate him, or are somewhere in between, you have to appreciate the, shall we say, effectiveness of this particular placard.

(Photo by Fred Melmoth).

"As I Was Walking Down the Street [Another] Day..."

1. Cabbage Patch Dolls for the juvenile delinquent.

(Photo by Abra Frankel).

2. Gives a whole, new meaning to the phrase One Stop Shopping.

(Photo by Kim Ripley).

You're an Intolerant Tool If...

1. You really think it's that simple.

(Photo by Abbyladybug).

2. You hawk pre-Civil War era garbage.

(Photo by Jacob Krejci).

(Photo by Kaleidoscope).

The Darkie items are not museum pieces; they were actually marketed by the Colgate-Palmolive Company as recently as 1988.

Here I Come to Save the Day, er...I mean, Your Soul!

Forget Mighty Mouse, it's Bibleman!

(Photo by Frozenmeat).

Who's Bibleman? He's a "human transformed by the Word of God." Duh.

Bibleman, his "faithful sidekick Cypher" and Biblegirl are available as action figures and can be seen on DVD in such classics as Tuning Out the Unholy Hero,  Breaking the Bonds of Disobedience and Conquering the Wrath of Rage.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Single, Most Compelling Reason NOT to Vote for Mike Huckabee

Yeah, it's over the top (below), but Huckabee's recent comments raised my pucker factor to near record levels.

P.S. Yes, it's fake; it's a P.A.R.O.D.Y.

11 Telltale Signs Your New Girlfriend May Be a Restraining Order Waiting to Happen

1. She looks into your eyes and says, "No one has ever made me feel quite the way you do." From across the ordering counter you respond, "Thanks. I'll have a venti machiatto, extra shot please."

(Photo by Kat Kirk).

2. While leaving the movie theater you hear someone shout, "150 yards Goddamnit! 150 yards!" To your surprise she screams back, "Inadvertent contact, Bill! Inadvertent!"

3. Before you’re even home from your first date, she's left four voice mails, sent two text messages and called your best friend to ask where you're at.

(Photo by Francisca Ulloa).

'[A Few Additional] Words of the Prophets Were Written on the Bathroom Stalls'

We had so much fun with the first set of bathroom wall humor that we thought we post a couple more, to wit:

1. No wiser words have ever been spoken.

(Photo by Jennifer Joyce).

2. In the same vein as, "Don't let the little head do the thinking for the big head."

(Photo by Sarah Glidden).

'And the Words of the Prophets Were Written on the Bathroom Stalls'

1. "Don't hate me because I am beautiful. Hate me because I did your Dad."

(Photo by Ed Hoover).

2. Tony Robbins channels Hervé Villechaize.

(Photo by Knightwise).

Flunked: 14 Signs of a Deficient Intellect

1. God help us.

(Photo by Laura Kicey).

2. Furst kum, furst surfed.

(Photo by Kuminiac).

So Many Signs, So Little Time

1. Certainly covers all bases.

(Photo by loungelistener).

2. And a Happy New Year.

(Photo by David Mongeau-Petitpas).

Super Celeb-o-Matic 07!

Whad'ya get when you cross today's celebrity-obsessed culture with Dan Ackroyd's classic SNL shtick Super Bass-o-matic 76? SUPER CELEB-O-MATIC 07!

Of course, it's a stretch; we just needed an excuse to revisit the theme from our previous feature [Who] Do You Get When You Cross...? and liked the analogy. Let's begin.

1. Who do you get when you cross Drew Carey, Donal Logue and Chris Farley?

"Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get."

(Photo by Dogseat).

2. Gwen Stefani, Tim Curry and Beetlejuice?

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

(Photo by G_Lawler).